It’s as nerdy as it sounds, but senior year of high school I participated in the “Brain Bee”, a trivia competition hosted by KU Med, about the human brain and diseases that affect it. (my school was robbed in round 2 in case you’re curious. It’s fine. I’m fine.) But let’s back up a bit.
When I was in high school I was known for two things: dressing up for school every day (after 9 years of Catholic school uniforms I wasn’t wasting a day), and being really into art. So it was a bit of a surprise to some when I didn’t pursue art school. At the time I didn’t think I was good enough and worried that trying to make a living from art would take the joy out of it. LOL given where you’re reading this, but I don’t regret that decision for a second. I was always great in science and had a fascination for anatomy and physiology. In fact, I considered pursuing Medical Illustration and Art Therapy before landing on nursing as a career path.
While participating in the Brain Bee, the professor mentioned that they have paid summer positions available in the research labs for any interested students. Not only did that sound like the most impressive thing I could imagine, I loved the idea of getting paid to learn. One thing about me- when I want something…oooh I’m gonna get it. I found a female run lab studying how a stressful environment early in life can lead to Pelvic Pain disorders in adulthood, and I decided to shoot my shot. I basically hounded Dr. Julie Christianson with voice messages and email, until she noticed, and (eventually) hired me. But hire me she did! For the summers before and after my first year of college, I worked in the epigenetics lab during the day and waited tables on nights and weekends (I don’t sit still well).
Maybe you’re thinking, “wtf is epigenetics?” In simple terms it’s the study of how environment influences biology- like putting nature and nurture to the test.
During my time there I learned (and helped prove) that it’s never one or the other- it’s concretely both. I’ll save you the microscopy talk, but know that a stressful environment changes your biology and genetics in real and lasting ways. I’ve linked some research articles I co-authored here, here, and here if you’re keen to put yourself to sleep. But the good news is, our surroundings can also positively affect our physical and mental health.
It was a fantastic experience for me for so many reasons, but mostly because it showed me that my love of science lies in the actual application of it. The human connection part. With that valuable insight, I continued on in nursing school and have loved the connection that has afforded me with people of all varieties. It wasn’t until earlier this year when I had a massive breakthrough that my love of art and caring for people were never meant to be separate. I have always been called to art for the healing comfort it offers me, but I hadn’t realized that my experience with patients also gave me countless examples of this guiding principle:
The meaning of life is to experience beauty.
I think I forgot that I had done this research because it wasn’t germane to my nursing career or my art practice…until the universe was like “UH, YA IT IS” and I ran through my house excitedly [frantically] explaining my breakthrough to my husband. And so began a major shift in my life and career goals as I accepted that I can care for people authentically (and without losing myself) through my art. I threw myself into learning about the healing benefits of art in built environments, the power of color psychology, and began to create work that I’m immensely proud of. This is where I’ve been for the better part of 2024! Somewhere along this shift I remembered that not only am I familiar with the idea that your environment can make you sick, but I also literally helped prove it.
And I really don’t think I would have been ready to rise to this occasion until now. Working as a nurse, turning 30, & becoming a mother taught me 3 invaluable lessons I needed to be able to do this work:
No one is making it to the next round. We die at the end of this thing.
How sad would it be if your body betrayed you & you realized you let the expectations of others keep you from curiosity?
I made and evacuated an entire outstanding human from the body I have battled against for so long.
Nothing feels as important, or intimidating having done that.
We control almost nothing- lean into it.
If you’re not happy with your life, you’re focused on the wrong things. Stop focusing on preventing the bad outcomes and create more of the beautiful.
